Ok, not SO much boobs as breast feeding, and my love-hate relationship with it.
Here's how it began: Before Jack was born I listened to podcasts and read books about breast feeding. I was determined to do it no matter what. In the hospital, I was able to breast feed Jack soon after giving birth, despite having had a C-section. However, I didn't get the latch down right away and he bruised my nipples quite a bit. I saw the lactation consultants every day, and one of them gave me a silicone nipple shield. For those of you who don't know, it's a clear plastic nipple with holes in the tip. It helps the baby latch better. Ideally you're supposed to help the baby latch, then slip it off, and go without.
Here's what I did: I never stopped using it. I don't really know if that's what caused my problem. But after about 3 months of relatively great (in hindsight) breast feeding, Jack started refusing to take my breast. He would arch his back and scream rather than latch on.
I looked up all the information I could on nursing strikes. I couldn't find out exactly what might be causing the problem, but one of my books said to pump and feed the baby by bottle for a few days until the strike passed. It never did. I thought it might be related to his reflux, but since we've had him on Prevacid the refusing only got better for a little while.
I could almost always get Jack to latch on during the middle of the night feedings when he was very tired. But recently even that has become a problem. I called the lactation consultant (again) and she recommended that I rent one of the kind of expensive hospital-grade pumps in order to keep my milk supply (which had seemed to be dwindling) up. I did that.
So now I'm pumping at least 8 times a day and bottle feeding and washing bottles. Oy - what a pain! But I'm still glad I can give him my milk. I'm just bummed to be missing out on the closeness of breast feeding and the relative ease of always having the warm milk at the ready.
Now I don't know how long I'll be able to continue this. The pump ($40/month plus a one-time $45 fee) is still way cheaper than all the formula my chubby little guy would be drinking. I would have loved to breast feed for at least a year, but now I'm setting my sights on at least six months? Maybe introducing some solids when Jack turns 4 months on Monday will make things easier?
Here's where you can chime in and commiserate about breast feeding trials. Oh, and if you have any tips/ideas on why Jack is doing that or how I could solve it, feel free to chime in. But please note: I'm pretty sure it's not what I'm eating, perfume or soap I'm wearing, distractions in the room I'm feeding in. He won't take the breast without the nipple shield (I've tried shoving his head on it) and he won't take it lying on his side, football, both of us lying down, or him sitting up. A bath does not relax him enough to take it, nor does lots of skin-to-skin contact.
My potential last resort before I just give up on the whole thing is taking him to the chiropractor who helped my niece a ton with reflux. Apparently he's this really old guy who actually spends time touching the kid and making sure everything is in it's proper place (unlike my pediatrician, who, I think, prefers to do most things visually while I hold Jack).
Or I guess I could go in to the hospital and let them see me try to force feed the little guy.
The whole thing is just so frustrating/disappointing every time. I feel rejected (even though I know he's a baby and it's not his fault) and I feel exhausted after the physical struggle of trying to control his back-arching convulsions. Is pumping the milk good enough, or should I keep banging my head trying to figure out the breast feeding? Alright, ignore how I tried to lead you to answer that pumping is good enough, give me your honest opinion.
19 hours ago
Nate did the same thing when he was an infant. He started out with the bach arching, getting furious at even the thought of nursing. Add that to post-partum hormones, and getting sick, and we had a miserable first few weeks. In all honesty, I think that the thing that kept me going was that I thought I didn't want to spend money on formula, much less could we afford it. Also, I just prayed a whole lot. Like, all the time about this. It took him over 2 weeks of the back arching thing before finall he decided that he would be ok doing this. And I really didn't do anything different.
ReplyDeleteWith Graham, I sometimes had to do different holds. It seemed that he did not like to be layed down on his left side, so we tried to avoid that.
Anyway, I think that if you can stand it, then pumping is just fine, tons of moms do it, and tons more do less. It's not ideal, but life is not ideal. just remember that babies are stubborn little things, and sometimes you have to be even more stubborn. Good luck.
I think if you are ok with pumping instead of BF-ing, it's MORE than "good enough!" Heck, I'd kill to be able to give Jake my own milk.
ReplyDeleteIf you feel really strongly about BF-ing though, I'd say it wouldn't hurt to do an in person session with the LC. They might notice something you're not seeing. Also, what type of bottles do you use? I know babies tend to get "lazy" and prefer the bottle over the breast bc it's less work. Are you using the wide mouth nipples with a slow flow? If not, maybe try to switch him to those and then back to the breast gradually?
Good luck with whatever you decide. I know how emotional breastfeeding issues can be so I hope you find something you are both happy with!
Oh man lady, if you can keep up the pumping then feeding routine you will be my hero. I had to do that for about a week with Claire while we were getting rid of thrush and I was about to lose my mind.
ReplyDeleteLike Becca, I have also heard that sometimes they'll figure out that it's much easier coming from a bottle than from you so they end up refusing you.
I would try going to a lactation consultant once again. Bottom line though, your sanity as a mother is very important! And formula isn't the worst thing in the world. It sounds like you've been giving it your all so if it doesn't work, it doesn't work. If you can pump and bottle feed then GREAT! But most definitely don't beat yourself up about it if you decide to formula feed.
Oh, one last thing. I've had several people swear by "fenugreek" (sp?). I think you can get it at whole food type stores. It's supposed to do wonders for your milk supply.
I had similar problems with Madeline last month, and when we travel a lot and she uses bottles more. It just recently got better this past week (and now we are going on another trip!). Anyways, I kept wanting to give up BF-ing too, but I'm trying to power through those thoughts because I think I would miss it. For a couple weeks she would only feed well at night and the first feed of the morning, and after that she was not having it and I pumped all day. Some things we did: 1) Switched back to the really really slow flow nipples, 2) Always swaddle her to eat so that she doesn't get distracted, 3) Avoid doing anything else while BF-ing (I can't watch TV or try and do anything else). Mostly, in my case, it is because we had been bottle feeding too much and it is easier for her. Now, I mostly try to just use a bottle at the last feed of the night and if I have a babysitter/leave Madeline with Dan. In terms of pumping, I just recently bought the Medela Single Deluxe pump ($64.99) and have been using it non-stop to build my milk supply cause I thought it was getting too low. It has worked great, but I had to pump all of the time for almost a week (after every feed and several times at night). It works better than the Avent double pump I have. What kind of pump were you using before you tried renting the hospital one? We've also tried giving her some formula and some breastmilk (but she throws up a lot on the formula). Anyways, I feel your pain. Now that it is a little better (but not always) I am sticking with BF-ing a little longer. But, you need to do what is best for you and your baby and don't let anyone pressure you one way or another!
ReplyDeletehey mary...this is laura (of laura and cortney). sure hope you remember me because it would be awkward because i stalk your blog so much :) i love hearing your stories about motherhood, and what is going on in your lives. jack is so adorable, and seems like he got the best of both you and evan. i hope so much you guys are doing well! xoxo laura
ReplyDeleteFor the record, I've never seen Jack "scream" about not wanting to breast feed. However, he has been a real pill, and now that he's much bigger and stronger it seems much harder to get the guy to mellow and take a boob.
ReplyDeleteI feel like it's super important for me to say (publicly) how much I appreciate what she's willing to go through to do what's very best for baby, even if bottles and formula aren't the end of the world.
For wifey's sake, I hope that the boy gets back on the boob train.
So I wrote you this huge long comment about pumping....and for some reason it didn't show up. Argh! So in essence, my previous comment said that I had the exact same issues with Kelsey. She would only nurse with the shield and that was a HUGE pain. So I ended up just nursing her morning and night (more of a comfort nurse) and then I pumped. I pumped for about 9 months with her and then 4 months with Blake. I just never could get the whole nursing thing down.
ReplyDeleteBut I think the most important thing is to do what works best for you and for you baby. I used to feel so guilty about not being able to actually nurse--but motherhood isn't a competition or a race and so you really just have to do what keeps you sane and works best for YOU.
And once I got over the fact that we wouldn't be nursing--I came to actually really love the freedom of just pumping. I got myself on a more spaced out pumping schedule of about 4 hours at a time. And Bret loved getting to share in the feedings with Kelsey and Blake. And I loved sharing the nighttime feedings, especially :-). If we have another baby, I will for sure just be pumping for as long as my sanity allows and then doing formula.
Ironically, Blake has always been a billion times more healthy than Kelsey. Whereas she had no formula until 9 1/2 months and he had it almost from the beginning as I would supplement when my pumped supply was low. Go figure.
Anyways--this is also very long. I am totally pro pumping because nursing was just too rough on both of us. But you just do what you feel is best for you.
p.s. I rented the hospital pump that whole time with Kel. And then I finally broke down and bought a super nice one before I had Blake. So if you decide to go that route, I can recommend a great pump as an investment if you wanted it for future babies, etc.
ReplyDeleteOne more thing I thought of: has Jack had his reflux meds upped at all? Jake already had his upped because he was starting to struggle again while eating. Now he's fine again. Babies grow so fast - maybe Jack's just having the start of reflux again and needs a higher dose.
ReplyDeleteHey everybody, I just wanted to thank you all for the input. The more I think about it, it probably does have a lot to do with him preferring the faster flow from the bottle nipple. I'm still not sure if I'm going to go to the effort of figuring out how to switch him back, but it's nice to have some ideas. Becca: We haven't upped his meds, so that's something to think about, too. Anyway, thanks again.
ReplyDeleteI just read Evan's comment and I just wanted to make sure that you know that I am 100% for nursing. I re-read my comment and realized that it may have sounded like I was for just giving up the nursing. I BATTLED to do it for both my girls. Claire just quit here at about 10 1/2 months...in my book a pretty good stretch. It's just amazing what we as moms go through for these little people. I guess I was just saying (kind of like Marisa said) that if your milk does dry up you should not feel guilty about it for a second. You are trying so hard and that is so great! Keep it up!
ReplyDeleteI think whatever is best for Jack-- which sounds like it's pumping your BM and formula when your milk subsides-- one thing they don't teach you in all those classes and books is: don't beat yourself up over it, if breast feeding doesn't last as long as you thought it would. EVERY baby is different- as everyone I know with more than one kid can attest to that. And the whole healthier than formula thing-- both my girls are smart, never get sick, (really) and are strong as strong can be-- and they have been formula feeding since they were born. In other words, don't buy too much into the hype (if that is a factor for your decision to slow it down.)
ReplyDeleteGood job on nursing for so long. I gave up after 4 months for both my girls. The sleep was just so much better, and I didn't see a difference at all in their health, I know, I know, breast feeding is better because of all the millions of reasons why... I guess I am just selfish. Weirdly enough, I was busier with Emily because I had an 18 month old too, and I breast fed a whole month longer than Myles. I am a WIMP! But, a wimp with more sleep and kids that didn't really know the difference.
Incidently, I used the nipple shield the whole time, because well, the lactation consultant that came to my house said if it worked for me, to keep using it. It just hurt way too much with the latch, and I had to heal after the first few weeks with Myles, and they gave me this gel pack that's like 40 bucks a pop. (It is HEAVEN to use when you get hurt that badly, the nurse stole me a couple more.)
Also, here is a travel tip that also comes in handy at home for bottle feeding-- when feeding with formula (but this doesnt really work with frozen breast milk) don't bother about heating it up too much. We use room temp or cooler water, and get them used to that. This is so, if you are somewhere where you can't heat up the milk, the baby will take that as well.
Good luck! Sounds like you're doing a great job!!
Breast feeding was initially so painful. I tried unsuccessfully to stop using the nipple shield after two weeks. The pain was so intense I was crying at each feeding. I quickly got fed up with that and used the shield for another two months. From birth Sadie has had both formula and breast milk. It's the best I could do. I wanted her to get the nutrients and antibodies from the breast milk while allowing myself to catch a break each day with formula feedings in between. Kudos to you if you've got the patience to pump. I didn't. It took forever to get 2 oz. so in the end it wasn't worth the hassle. I still use both and have since added solid foods. I'm not sure I want to go a whole year though I know it's best for the kiddos. If that's what you want to do keep trying. It's so much easier to breast feed now than it was the first few months.
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